Popular elves uncommonly slain

Popular commercial icons, the Kebbler Elves were found dead today in what appears to be a gangland style massacre. Company employees first on the scene described it as chocolate covered blood bath. The murders are though to have been carried out by a renegade band of "real" elves unhappy with the popularity of the obvious impostors. A note left at the scene said not only have they perpetrated an ogre size hoax on the world but have been responsible for addicting a whole generation of children to white flour and sugar, an unconscionable act for any elf, real or otherwise. The company issued a statement expressing their grief to the families of the slain bakers and said in no way will this stop the mega profitable health destroying junk food behemoth of Kebbler Brands.

Gene pool lotto winners now on hit list

The end of the American halcyon days are on the horizon. Gene pool lotto winners are now on the worlds hit list. Rich and upper middle class white kids born into a European genetically controlled world are on the short list for underclass anger. Many are fine people even if they are often living in denial about the effects of their status quo life on the rest of the world. Beauty, privilege and healthy dose of entitlement are being chipped away by bearded religious desert fanatics who utter such phrases as: “We love death. The US loves life. That is the difference between us two.” How can they sit there in their pleasurable stupor licking their Tastee Freez while innocent children's body chunks are flying about like a Quentin Tarantino cinematic moment. I too am on this list by virtue of my hazel eyes and access to cheap oil prices. The idiots of mass media pumping up the heat feeding MASSIVE lies to the unsuspecting monkey mind. I weep and gnash my teeth and pray to play the victim of this mindf*&k propaganda. Perhaps with grace our privilege will flower in awakening and somehow at the 11th hour we'll pull our head out of our nether regions to live the prayer for the planet outlined by my friends following poem.

Born out of a universal love, a time will come when the future is
bright
When relaxing is a virtue, health is a prevalent given, and people will

laugh for a living
The Spirit will be honored above all else and your neighbors will be
your friends
Holding someone will be joyful and pain will cease to exist
This is my prayer for our world
Be hopeful young children, we who love you are here; and people still
care
All is not lost in this world as a tree is being planted every day, and

for each tree a gardner is born
These gardens will flower into a oneness of earth and time, yet space
will be no more
All that is wanted for will be had and peace will abound
This is my prayer for our world

Love,
Lisa S.

The best water pick

I actually found this product last year in a search for a travel water pick. Its really simple and requires no electricity. The only draw back is it will probably only work in the United States, however I haven't checked faucets in other countries so I may stand corrected at some point.  This model is called the Quick Breeze and you replace the faucet aerator with the supplied one and the water pick clips on in 2 seconds. Boom, instant water pick. I've done this at friends houses when visiting and no one was even aware of it. Its not easy enough for just a few days visit but if you're going to be somewhere for a few weeks then I'd say go for it. Sometimes you might need a pair of pliers to remove the old aerator and to tighten the Oral Breeze aerator enough so it doesn't leak. This is not made for travel per say and I also recommend the Oral Breeze for your home as well. No moving parts. Will probably last a lifetime!

minor environmental issue causes big stir

Residents of Kauai blockaded the new Superferry in protest of it's possible environmental impact. To blockade this one ship is really a joke. I would like to know how many of these people work to recycle their share of the 60 million daily plastic water bottles thrown away each day in America. Or do they know that a 5 hour jet ride is the carbon footprint equivalent of driving a car for a year. How many of them shop at walmart whose environmental abuses, not to mention the low paid Chinese workers, have been documented. Or how many of them own computers and cell phones and other electronic devices from one of the most polluting industries on the planet. We all understand that throwing away your cell phone in protest isn't going to have much of an effect and that schlepping your recycle trash to the collection center doesn't make you feel empowered and united in deed. But are these things any less important? In an over whelming complex consumerist addicted society programmed by 60+ years of TV, deep down in their souls people know it's all a sham and they need to make a stand and they just don't know how. Nor do they feel empowered and so the super ferry became a symbol of unity of something they can tangibly fight. To look each other in the eye and give a shaka sign that says we're fightin' the man bra! No matter that its just a whimper in the swirling industrial behemoth of the global economy riding on worthless currency teetering on total collapse. I start out in harshly judging them as stupid and then I switch to compassion because we're all in this together. God bless our clumsy human foibles.

An addendum to this post: I soften my stance after a Kauai resident pointed out that the super ferry can carry 300 cars. So if it made 2 trips a day and dumped 600 cars on Kauai, which is a small island it wouldn't be very ecological sound as well as causing congestion on an island who's roadways are already congested. Of course I can't imagine there always being two full loads a day but what do I know.

E. Coli be gone

Who knew there was anybody with fears of spreading E. Coli bacteria. For those of you with this fear, here is a handy device to assuage those fears. The infrared paper towel dispenser from frontgate.com. Actually I'm finding motion activated devices everywhere these days. I for one appreciate the hands free action in public bathrooms where only God knows who has touched the paper towel handle. But to have there fears in your own kitchen is a little paranoid to say the least. Most likely the fear is just an excuse to purchase something else as a bored upper middle class housewife with a shopping addiction. Stuff, stuff, stuff!!! I'm surrounded by stuff. The rise of walmart is because of stuff, cheap stuff. Now you can have everything you never knew you wanted by harnessing the power of cheap Chinese labor. This wacked out consumerist economy will eventually crash and we'll probably replace it with a ecological remediation economy. How else are we all going to survive with all the toxic waste we excrete as rampant consumers?? Or a super virulent E. Coli strain will sweep the planet leaving us in vomitus ruin. Cheers.

Man cuts off penis. Too bad he wasn't Chinese.

Too bad for the sheer irony of it all that the man who cut off his own penis didn't do it in the Chinese restuarant that serves only penis. Imagine the excited call to go out that there is a human penis to be served and the resturant is now taking bids. Perhaps the restuarant owner could even retire from such a boon. It was stated that the man's penis couldn't be reattached so I suggest he contact the resturant and negotiate a price to perhaps pay for counseling. Make lemonade out of lemons so to speak.

Teeth, you got to love them

The thought hit me today about which tooth I'd first lose to old age. Being 46 and not having lost any teeth, wisdom teeth not withstanding I've decided number 16 (standard tooth numbering) or the upper left side third molar. Having recently replaced a large 20 year old amalgam filling with a casting, the dentist didn't get the gap right so now food gets caught in between which will hasten it's demise. I admit to taking my teeth for granted in the past but this new gap is a constant reminder to floss. I can now never totally forget about my teeth. a little portion of my brain is now cordoned off to remember this gap and the possible food stuck there. It reminds me to floss it out and that's it's function. one less slice of brain power to solve the worlds ills or even be nice to someone. Anyway this all reminds me of a poem I wrote once...

from across the channel she came from
with teeth as craggy as they come
but oh to me such sweet delight
as I would kiss her every night
being french, I could eat it all
including that within her maw
my tongue would probe each crack and crevice
looking for any little piece of lettuce
alas as all good things must come to an end
poor hygiene, her teeth, did in
so on we moved to tropic climes
with molds and fungus and a little slime
which grew abundantly between her toes
and of course I switched to sucking those...

Rainbow starts my journey

rainbow_tipi
Originally uploaded by phoenixisland.

Believe it or not I'm taking a break from Hawaii. Not so much Hawaii, the most amazing water on the planet and extreme beauty but a break from the Dragonfly Ranch, a vortex of chaos in on otherwise sea of tranquility. don't get me wrong the dfly can be a wonderful place but the captain of the boat has a habit of driving the thing into the rocks (metaphor) so for someone who wants to sail always pulling the boat off of the rocks gets boring after a while. Life can be interesting on the rocks. The itinerant vacationing guests arrive not knowing that we're on the rocks just that we're in a beautiful spot with just enough magic to make their week stay a success. Meanwhile the crew is down below patching holes as fast as they can so the place doesn't go under.

Peter Gorman Archive

If you're looking for a good bit of investigative reporting or just a good tale like no other, head over to petergormanarchive.com. Peter, the former editor of High Times has a lot of interesting tales to tale. This is from his site: "Award-winning investigative journalist (and dad) Peter Gorman has spent more than 20 years tracking down stories from the streets of Manhattan to the slums of Bombay. Specializing in Drug War issues, he is credited as a primary journalist in the medical marijuana and hemp movements, as well as in property forfeiture reform. His work has appeared in over 100 national and international magazines and newspapers."
Enjoy...

Save the planet, kill some Mexicans

Not only are Americans wreaking havoc in Iraq but apparently we could also be killing Mexicans as well. The current craze for energy Independence it seems, has driven up the price of corn tortillas in Mexico %400 recently. "Tens of thousands of people have marched through Mexico City in a protest against the rising price of tortillas." says a BBC article. So it would seem buying ethanol enhanced fuel might make some poor Mexicans go hungry. Sometimes you just can't win!

recipe for mass extinction

"Would you like a paper or plastic bag?" This question I ask hundreds of times a day in my current role as cashier in an upscale Boulder health food store. Which occasionally gets a confused response about which bag is the best choice. It's nice to think that deciding between a paper or plastic bag really makes a difference in the state of the environment. Once again I'll state my beliefs, the Gaian mind knew what it was doing when it created us. Everything we are is part of the plan. This six billion human lives is a temporary situation, allowed to happen for some other purpose besides continued physical existence in an ever upward increase in lifestyle conveniences and luxury. We're living at the top of the heap here in Boulder. Life on this plane isn't going to get any better than this. And, the six billion people will not be living this lifestyle ever!

So having any dilemma over a paper or plastic bag at this stage of the game is useless. Stopping all technological damage is futile. The hand of mankind is heading for the fire and we can't stop it. The trajectory is cast, the painful burn is there and now all we can do is pull back, maybe. This is not about blaming anybody. We're all in this together and we've all had a hand in the current state of the world. Our leaders are just reflections of the collective mind. Some suggest that our collective mind has been hijacked by alien influence. It doesn't really matter. Love is really what it's all about. Being problem solving creatures we've created quite a problem for ourselves. It's now time to create a global tribe or at least global respect and love as much as possible. There is no where else to go. No new continents to discover and conquer and no savior is going to save us. We now have to face ourselves. Full on, sober without delusions or perish, period.

Apartment T

More evidence on my proclomation that Osama Bin Laden has an apartment in the basement of the pentagon. This article about drug lords running the biz from prision.
Then of course you have to read this article once you see that they were using pictures of Teletubbies on the cocaine shipments >>

1984 should be required reading for everyone. Or if you want something more flat out horror-juicy, dripping conspiriacy like a tree ripe peach at an adolescent femme fatal's mouth... check it out

Strap on your guns low lifes, were going to see the spiraling in of humanity's adolescent pimple poppin' transformation into?

we are a force of nature

Humans are part of the life of the planet, just as we are! Everything that we are, in this moment is a part of the life plan. What most of history and organized dead religion has been trying to erase is the fact that we are simply another thread in the web of creation. Just like hurricanes and tsunamis or asteriods or super novas, the human race is what it is because life made us this way. Of course this doens't mean we shouldn't try and change it just means a trajectory was cast and inertia keeps it going. We may actually destroy ourselves and most of the other species that share the planet. And so what. It's no different than an asteriod doing the deed. Currently humans are not conscious, as much as we like to think we are we're just not. Otherwise the world would be a better place than it is. The only difference between us and the asteriod is we do have the possibility to dance with our destiny and influence our trajectory so that maybe we don't all immolate ourselves on the greedy fear thats currently running the planet. But I reiterate, the panet knew what it was doing when it created us. This is the end times not because it is written by God but because of the natural progression of cycles. Enjoy the ride...

the upper crust

I mentioned in an earlier post the homogeneous nature of Boulder, Co being a very white town and was wondering how that played into the niceness of the people? I work as a cashier at a central, big chain natural food store so I interact with a large cross section of the Boulder population. Like I said, mostly white, upper middle class. All the college kids are back and they've got plastic to swipe. In fact, I'd say 90% of the college age crowd pays with credit cards exclusively. Quite a few high school kids also pay with credit cards. One of my jaded views from many years ago is that morals are a luxury. It's easy to judge the looters in New Orleans from my comfortable couch with my french bread and olive tapanade. Its easy to judge "those people" whilst munching on New York Cheddar Cheese Kettle Chips and sippin' Australian wine. From this place I notice it's rich people who bring their own bags back to the grocery store. I went to a big name main stream chain grocery store on the outer fringe of Boulder to get some coffee filters and had them put in one of their cheap flimsy main stream grocery bags. I noticed that I felt like a street person carrying that bag. No one ever brings such a thing as that back into the upper scale natural food store I work in. I never had this feeling in LA but here in Boulder you're either part of the upper crust or you really stand out. It's better to have an old backpack than a cheap plastic bag. And of course if the backpack is old it means that you've been environmentally hip for a long time, duh! Even the street people here are rich! There is this old dirty guy that always hangs out on a adult tricycle, which seems pretty new by the way, with a dirty cardboard sign stating he's a veteran and needs help. I see him on the pedestrian mall talking on his cell phone! I don't even have a cell phone. Who's he calling? other cell phone toting mendicants about the best places to bum change? So what am I saying here? I'm saying Boulder, Co is the happiest place I've seen and I think this is the pinnacle of modern western civilization in terms of privledge. People here have embraced the best of the modern technological world and they have tons of free time to be environmental activists, or yogis, or triathletes, scientists, left wing super moral dilettante, in fact it's expected. It's your duty to be passionate about your slice of sweet reality. This is the place where everyone takes it for granted that life is good and from a quantum field of possibility outlook this is the karmic reward in this life as an experience, just an experience to be tasted, enjoyed, fully as the other end of the spectrum so that we can know that there is something more than this...

the planet is bigger than man

As sad as the loss of life and property is in New Orleans, really, is anybody suprised. Another fine example of human arrogance. If you build a city no matter what size BELOW sea level in a hurricane prone region, the consequences are obvious. Maybe not in 20 years, maybe not in 50 or 100 or even 300 but at some point a big enough storm will delineate the difference between human and planet. We never have and we never will be able to control the planet. Most people live in denial (myself included). It's not wrong, its a way to deal with the uncertainty of life which is ever present. No matter how much money was spent by the city of New Orleans there still would have been massive destruction. The mayor of New Orleans is simply pointing the finger at the US government. Then on a radio interview from the BBC website he goes and spouts some lame christian rethoric about how the people not helping would be in deep trouble with god. Uh, excuse me but where was God during the storm? Maybe God destroyed New Orleans like Sodom and Gamorah! Actually, just like I said before there isn't any Messiah because we don't need saving. Everything is happening just as it should. We were created in the image of God, which means we are creative spirit beings having a physical experience with the option to create heaven or hell on earth. So far we've got the hell part down pretty good. It remains to be seen if we'll get the heaven part down. I'm willing to take responsibility for my part of the hell equation. And I'm the first to say I don't have an answer. Its just my observation I'm offering here.

whites just can't give it up

I recently saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. A little 420 and I laughed my ass off. The scenes were so absurd. I'm going to go see it again just to see if the absurdity can withstand several viewings. But after a few days I was struck with a realization. This movie was made by white folks and the story envolves a white chocolate factory owner traveling to distant lands and finding out that the little dark skinned "primitive" people will work for "peanuts" in this case chocolate. I suppose every culture wants to feel superior and just can't help having such an outlook. But since we don't really have a recorded history of such worldwide colonization as we have with the white people and well, I guess we'll never know. Since light skinned peoples in this round of history got the upper hand and got to write history all of our stories revolve around our superiority at a subconscious level. No one even questions this. This is just how it is, after all we are superior after all! It would be interesting to see if any other racial reviewers will point this out. Otherwise, like I said the movie is totally absurd and good for many laughs. Enjoy.

in case you missed it!

That's right, what he said. Who said? Sweet Jesus! Their ain't gonna be no messiah. We don't need saving. The horrible suffering unleased on that day, makes my mind implode!! The crucifixion of Jesus caused more suffering that just about anything. Of course the dirty little monkeys probably would have fought anyway. And so what. The sad shame is that organized religion was a way for the smarter monkeys to control the wild neandertal traits of the dumber monkeys. And you know what, thank god, some of those dumb wild motherf&%*ers are controlled through guilt. Otherwise the human race wouldn't have made it this far. In the mean time many a sorry sack o shit could rise to the top under the nose of the king and swing the poor bastards into war or just giving the fat of the land in service to their future salvation through the only other power channel besides royal birth. Holy crack'a'toli!! The works that I do shall ye do also; and greater works than these shall ye do. invoke ye there fore the christ principle. now. Now is the time in history of which Christ spoke. We are to realize our divinity of the cosmic fire at the center of each of our very cells. Read the Tao of Physics to learn how scientists are becoming mystics because the ultimate nature of reality is just simply unexplainable by any terms. To the physicists, reality is an illusion. To enlightened sages of wiser yugas reality is maya. All great mystics can not relay to us the pure potential of the creative power of unmanifest potential. If we knew how that potential became manifest we'd be Gods ourselves. Ascended masters perhaps know this. Perhaps as a soul group, we will learn this and temporaraly manifest a heaven on earth just for the lesson but not as anything permanent as nothing on this level of exsistience is meant to last.

God's orgasmatron or no reason to panic

That's right, the sperm must be shot before the baby is born. Hey baby, looking for a little space sugar? Explosions, male outward energy, thats what this universe is built on in conjuction with the female, receptive space, as a container for the explosions. So nothing, I mean nothing in this universe is meant to last. Its an ongoing, ever changing spiraling in and spiraling out, expansions and contractions. So the big bang was simply the ultimate switch point from the ultimate contraction back torwards the expansion. Which brings me to the currant Human situation on this planet. A lot of people are worried about the future of the planet and especially the human race. Well, what a waste of time. We're not meant to last anymore than the dinosaurs or any other life forms (study the geologic history of this planet and the mass extinctions). Think of flowers. Extrodinarily beautiful and singularly fleeting. The human race has yet to flower. We're spiraling in, contracting, speeding up, 6 billion people, made possible by cheating (or so it seems) natural laws (advent of agriculture) in a fantasmagorical, industrial light and magic life force masturbation towards an ejaculation to seed the birth of a new human. The womb receving the phallus is the inborn potential of the precious human birth as a gift from the God source. We're not in control and we're living the culmination of the orginal programing. And the programing for this level of exsistince is orgasmic, explosive and dramatic. It's not important that we save the planet or the human race. The important thing for our own souls is the choices we make to Not kill one another, Not exploit other creatures, Not to embrace destruction and move onward and upward into more harmony and light. The orgasm is going to happen. It may not be pretty (tsunamis, disease, war, famine) but thats what we signed up for. We're baby creator beings whose best side comes out when we have a problem to solve. We've created quite a problem for ourselves to test our creative problem solving capacity. There are no more new frontiers to conquer. No more wide open spaces to pioneer and colonize. We're all in this together now. We always were but now with a shrinking planet and resources its more clearly evident.

rock hard

That's right, those ice age peeps were getting down and messin' 'round. 28,000 year old phallus was found in Germany, unearthed in a cave of all places, the womb of mother earth. Seems it was also used as a tool to "knap" or split flints. Gives new meaning to the phrase "in like flint" Which seems to be associated with sex at least when ever I've heard it used. Rumor has it that big name porn publisher is paying big name hotel heir to make a safe sex promo ad with the old stone penis.

hot read!

Ok all you unemployed or otherwise disgruntled "hate to follow the rules" types who still want to be successful without all the brown nosing and other distasteful heart rending concessions. Bitch Slap Your Way To The Top, the new book by Bob Wackett is the first real alternative to the "good old boys club" school of success. Of course just bitch slapping without a proven strategy is also likely to end in failure. Bitch Slap Your Way To The Top emphasizes a coup d'état approach so you gain maximum power from fewer strokes. Includes a section on proper bitch slap technique (commitment and follow through are key) as well as real life success stories from those at the forefront of the Bitch Slap phenomenon. This book is not about violent take overs. There is a chapter on anger management and exercises to clarify your mind so that often just the threat of a bitch slap in the ethers is enough to ensure you get your way. Bitch Slap Your Way To The Top is indispensable reading for anyone on the career up swing.