Sunday, October 28, 2007

Popular elves uncommonly slain

Popular commercial icons, the Kebbler Elves were found dead today in what appears to be a gangland style massacre. Company employees first on the scene described it as chocolate covered blood bath. The murders are though to have been carried out by a renegade band of "real" elves unhappy with the popularity of the obvious impostors. A note left at the scene said not only have they perpetrated an ogre size hoax on the world but have been responsible for addicting a whole generation of children to white flour and sugar, an unconscionable act for any elf, real or otherwise. The company issued a statement expressing their grief to the families of the slain bakers and said in no way will this stop the mega profitable health destroying junk food behemoth of Kebbler Brands.

Gene pool lotto winners now on hit list

The end of the American halcyon days are on the horizon. Gene pool lotto winners are now on the worlds hit list. Rich and upper middle class white kids born into a European genetically controlled world are on the short list for underclass anger. Many are fine people even if they are often living in denial about the effects of their status quo life on the rest of the world. Beauty, privilege and healthy dose of entitlement are being chipped away by bearded religious desert fanatics who utter such phrases as: “We love death. The US loves life. That is the difference between us two.” How can they sit there in their pleasurable stupor licking their Tastee Freez while innocent children's body chunks are flying about like a Quentin Tarantino cinematic moment. I too am on this list by virtue of my hazel eyes and access to cheap oil prices. The idiots of mass media pumping up the heat feeding MASSIVE lies to the unsuspecting monkey mind. I weep and gnash my teeth and pray to play the victim of this mindf*&k propaganda. Perhaps with grace our privilege will flower in awakening and somehow at the 11th hour we'll pull our head out of our nether regions to live the prayer for the planet outlined by my friends following poem.

Born out of a universal love, a time will come when the future is
When relaxing is a virtue, health is a prevalent given, and people will

laugh for a living
The Spirit will be honored above all else and your neighbors will be
your friends
Holding someone will be joyful and pain will cease to exist
This is my prayer for our world
Be hopeful young children, we who love you are here; and people still
All is not lost in this world as a tree is being planted every day, and

for each tree a gardner is born
These gardens will flower into a oneness of earth and time, yet space
will be no more
All that is wanted for will be had and peace will abound
This is my prayer for our world

Lisa S.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

The best water pick

I actually found this product last year in a search for a travel water pick. Its really simple and requires no electricity. The only draw back is it will probably only work in the United States, however I haven't checked faucets in other countries so I may stand corrected at some point.  This model is called the Quick Breeze and you replace the faucet aerator with the supplied one and the water pick clips on in 2 seconds. Boom, instant water pick. I've done this at friends houses when visiting and no one was even aware of it. Its not easy enough for just a few days visit but if you're going to be somewhere for a few weeks then I'd say go for it. Sometimes you might need a pair of pliers to remove the old aerator and to tighten the Oral Breeze aerator enough so it doesn't leak. This is not made for travel per say and I also recommend the Oral Breeze for your home as well. No moving parts. Will probably last a lifetime!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

minor environmental issue causes big stir

Residents of Kauai blockaded the new Superferry in protest of it's possible environmental impact. To blockade this one ship is really a joke. I would like to know how many of these people work to recycle their share of the 60 million daily plastic water bottles thrown away each day in America. Or do they know that a 5 hour jet ride is the carbon footprint equivalent of driving a car for a year. How many of them shop at walmart whose environmental abuses, not to mention the low paid Chinese workers, have been documented. Or how many of them own computers and cell phones and other electronic devices from one of the most polluting industries on the planet. We all understand that throwing away your cell phone in protest isn't going to have much of an effect and that schlepping your recycle trash to the collection center doesn't make you feel empowered and united in deed. But are these things any less important? In an over whelming complex consumerist addicted society programmed by 60+ years of TV, deep down in their souls people know it's all a sham and they need to make a stand and they just don't know how. Nor do they feel empowered and so the super ferry became a symbol of unity of something they can tangibly fight. To look each other in the eye and give a shaka sign that says we're fightin' the man bra! No matter that its just a whimper in the swirling industrial behemoth of the global economy riding on worthless currency teetering on total collapse. I start out in harshly judging them as stupid and then I switch to compassion because we're all in this together. God bless our clumsy human foibles.

An addendum to this post: I soften my stance after a Kauai resident pointed out that the super ferry can carry 300 cars. So if it made 2 trips a day and dumped 600 cars on Kauai, which is a small island it wouldn't be very ecological sound as well as causing congestion on an island who's roadways are already congested. Of course I can't imagine there always being two full loads a day but what do I know.

Friday, July 27, 2007

E. Coli be gone

Who knew there was anybody with fears of spreading E. Coli bacteria. For those of you with this fear, here is a handy device to assuage those fears. The infrared paper towel dispenser from Actually I'm finding motion activated devices everywhere these days. I for one appreciate the hands free action in public bathrooms where only God knows who has touched the paper towel handle. But to have there fears in your own kitchen is a little paranoid to say the least. Most likely the fear is just an excuse to purchase something else as a bored upper middle class housewife with a shopping addiction. Stuff, stuff, stuff!!! I'm surrounded by stuff. The rise of walmart is because of stuff, cheap stuff. Now you can have everything you never knew you wanted by harnessing the power of cheap Chinese labor. This wacked out consumerist economy will eventually crash and we'll probably replace it with a ecological remediation economy. How else are we all going to survive with all the toxic waste we excrete as rampant consumers?? Or a super virulent E. Coli strain will sweep the planet leaving us in vomitus ruin. Cheers.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Man cuts off penis. Too bad he wasn't Chinese.

Too bad for the sheer irony of it all that the man who cut off his own penis didn't do it in the Chinese restuarant that serves only penis. Imagine the excited call to go out that there is a human penis to be served and the resturant is now taking bids. Perhaps the restuarant owner could even retire from such a boon. It was stated that the man's penis couldn't be reattached so I suggest he contact the resturant and negotiate a price to perhaps pay for counseling. Make lemonade out of lemons so to speak.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Teeth, you got to love them

The thought hit me today about which tooth I'd first lose to old age. Being 46 and not having lost any teeth, wisdom teeth not withstanding I've decided number 16 (standard tooth numbering) or the upper left side third molar. Having recently replaced a large 20 year old amalgam filling with a casting, the dentist didn't get the gap right so now food gets caught in between which will hasten it's demise. I admit to taking my teeth for granted in the past but this new gap is a constant reminder to floss. I can now never totally forget about my teeth. a little portion of my brain is now cordoned off to remember this gap and the possible food stuck there. It reminds me to floss it out and that's it's function. one less slice of brain power to solve the worlds ills or even be nice to someone. Anyway this all reminds me of a poem I wrote once...

from across the channel she came from
with teeth as craggy as they come
but oh to me such sweet delight
as I would kiss her every night
being french, I could eat it all
including that within her maw
my tongue would probe each crack and crevice
looking for any little piece of lettuce
alas as all good things must come to an end
poor hygiene, her teeth, did in
so on we moved to tropic climes
with molds and fungus and a little slime
which grew abundantly between her toes
and of course I switched to sucking those...

Rainbow starts my journey

Originally uploaded by phoenixisland.
Believe it or not I'm taking a break from Hawaii. Not so much Hawaii, the most amazing water on the planet and extreme beauty but a break from the Dragonfly Ranch, a vortex of chaos in on otherwise sea of tranquility. don't get me wrong the dfly can be a wonderful place but the captain of the boat has a habit of driving the thing into the rocks (metaphor) so for someone who wants to sail always pulling the boat off of the rocks gets boring after a while. Life can be interesting on the rocks. The itinerant vacationing guests arrive not knowing that we're on the rocks just that we're in a beautiful spot with just enough magic to make their week stay a success. Meanwhile the crew is down below patching holes as fast as they can so the place doesn't go under.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Peter Gorman Archive

If you're looking for a good bit of investigative reporting or just a good tale like no other, head over to Peter, the former editor of High Times has a lot of interesting tales to tale. This is from his site: "Award-winning investigative journalist (and dad) Peter Gorman has spent more than 20 years tracking down stories from the streets of Manhattan to the slums of Bombay. Specializing in Drug War issues, he is credited as a primary journalist in the medical marijuana and hemp movements, as well as in property forfeiture reform. His work has appeared in over 100 national and international magazines and newspapers."

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Save the planet, kill some Mexicans

Not only are Americans wreaking havoc in Iraq but apparently we could also be killing Mexicans as well. The current craze for energy Independence it seems, has driven up the price of corn tortillas in Mexico %400 recently. "Tens of thousands of people have marched through Mexico City in a protest against the rising price of tortillas." says a BBC article. So it would seem buying ethanol enhanced fuel might make some poor Mexicans go hungry. Sometimes you just can't win!